I despise my life with a passion right now. It’s breaking apart, and I feel the strength to keep myself up and going is almost gone. The many issues I have regarding family and friends - it needs to end. It’s time for a change. The past weeks, and probably months, I’ve been too stubborn to resolve my problems on my own. I wait and hope things will fall into a better place, but waiting proves to be of no beneficiary. It’s my life, and I need to do it.

1. The day we raised our voices and caused a major scene in your home continues to reside in my head every day. At times, I still don’t believe it is my fault, because I honestly do feel you are upset because I am not someone you want me to be. However, I’m willing to apologize. Sometimes I feel you can’t accept the fact that I’m growing up, and I know how to take care of myself, regardless of how small I physically look. I hope you know that I’ve never under-appreciated the care you’ve given me. I’m thankful to have you in my life to guide me. I hope to talk with you soon, because I don’t want anymore tension between us.
2. I’m almost scared to approach you because we haven’t talked since the day before you left. I want you to know that I’m really not mad at you. Right now, I’m afraid to talk to you because I’m afraid of the rejection of my apology, even though you are family. I hope to soon overcome that fear. I may be scared, but if things do turn out negatively, at least I can say I tried.
3. I don’t know how to speak to you at all. Even though you make me really want to quit, I won’t so that maybe you’ll give me a little more credit as a human being. I don’t think you’ll ever understand how unhappy I am doing what I am assigned by you to do.
4. I’m so glad I have someone who feels almost exactly how I feel. I look back, and I’m happy that our friendship stayed consistent over the past few years. We always have things to catch up on. (:
5. I don’t think you understand how much you have and are still hurting me. Coming to school is so difficult to bear now. I still love you, but I am disappointed. It seems like me talking to you the other day was a waste of my breath because all that came out from your mouth helped me to realize how little credit you give me as your friend. I was there for you before one of those people on your “who do I trust” list, and I have tried to hang out with you before, but I find you tend to be busy with other people or something. So I waited. Honestly, if I did something wrong, I apologize. But I wish you would just tell me, rather than giving up on a friendship that still had potential. I really was trying to revive it, but I get the feeling that you don’t want to. So that’s when I realized I’m through and done. :/
6. You always make me laugh. Smiles help me get through the day. (:
7. You’ve done a lot for me. You’re not the same person you were before. I think it’s time for me to do more for you. I hope you know that you’re the best. (:

I liked my Halloween. Trick-or-treating plans with Chloe were changed, but we’re gonna have a movie night or do something soon, hopefully. (:

But overall it was fun. However, I did not like the attitude my little sister was giving me while she trick-or-treated. Jonathan came to Hercules to join me because he wanted to meet any friends of mine that we bump into, and he had no plans for the night. It was sad Chloe wasn’t with me. I wanted him to meet her. =/ But it’s okaay.

Then, unexpectedly, I got a call from Huey saying he had no plans, so he came to hang out with us, along with Tran. It was fun. I haven’t seen Huey in a while.

So we went around the Promenade area and Floraine’s neighborhood. I liked this one house on Drake Lane because it was completely decorated with special effects, monsters on the window, ghosts hanging from the ceiling, and everything. They attracted handfuls of kids, but too bad Prissila was too scared to go get candy from them.

Even though Prissila skipped a lot of “scary-looking” houses, I found that not many houses this year passed out candy. And a lot of houses ran out of candy fast. I guess the recession made an impact on the annual Halloween tradition, or people were just not in the mood this year.

After we trick-or-treated around my neighborhood, Huey and Tran had to go home. So I got Jonathan to myself for the rest of the night.

It wasn’t time for Jonathan to go home yet, so we took a walk along Pinole Shores. It was dark, but I like those deep conversations we have. This time it was about all the elementary drama Prissila’s been having and about our family issues. Since it was dark, we got to see the stars and look out at the nice view of the bay. It was a good way to end the night. (: